We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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