Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had to coat check the pizza.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
