ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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