I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
