I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
