I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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