Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
