There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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