I smell stomach acid.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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