remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
