i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She's the barista slut.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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