Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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