So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
