We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
