Small penises have feelings too.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
