Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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