If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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