I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
