Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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