i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
