are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
