Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
