that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
