my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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