By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
