none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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