We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
