My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
