Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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