Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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