Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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