he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
