Just fell off a train. Bad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
