I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
