Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
