i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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