I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
