This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
