I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
