don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
