every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
