So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
