Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
