it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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