I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
