bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
