How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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