What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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