3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
