pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
