You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
