I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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