Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
