Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
